Blue Heart Dyed Cotton - 1.jpg

Saint Virginia is a sustainable textile design company led by creative director Amy Hindman, natural dyer, breast cancer survivor, health advocate, and writer. God, healing, and cotton are at the heart of everything that happens around here.  

A percentage of proceeds is donated to Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered to support women and families affected by hereditary breast, ovarian, and related cancers.


Vanity

I've cried 3 times since my diagnosis. After the bad news from my doc, that was #1, if I count like 10 hours of crying as one. The second time was the big breakdown. And, third was yesterday when I realized I was embarrassed by my appearance for the first time, maybe ever – like, really embarrassed.

I heard Jon's voice coming up the stairs, and I felt nervous that he would walk into the bathroom and see my sad, skinny body with leftover sticky tape marks from needles in my arm, post-nursing, deflated boobies – which also by the way happen to be diseased – and my old-lady head with a few patchy stragglers left. This is why people shave their head entirely, to avoid this moment I thought. I look like I have cancer. My dark, thick eyebrows are getting sparse. I did not have to shave, however, but now I wish I had to. My former body, in all its glory, is gone forever I'm afraid.

I had just taken a bath. Lost hairs were floating around me in the water. I felt really, really alone. But, I remembered God. How could I have forgotten? The truth is, faith is new for me, relatively speaking. Sometimes I forget that I am not alone. Ever. What a comfort. Life without faith was a much lonelier place for me. I wrote once about how I wondered what my life would have looked life if I'd had faith as a younger woman. Quite different I imagine. But then where would I have ended up? Not here. And, here is good.

Now I have a new body, an amazing, beautiful machine equipped to fight, ready to live and blessed by God. It's just gonna take a little getting used to, about 10 extra pounds and a hot new push-up bra, in hot pink preferably. Hair would help, but that can wait.

Motivation

Spa Day

0